Thursday, June 19, 2008
[[rojak of feelings..]]
so many different emotions i'm feeling now... often contradicting each other..
there's this old man at my work place, who doesnt not do any work.. I often whine and show my discontent with his behaviour.. neither was i pleased when he tagged along when i went buy lunch yday. However, on our way back, he happened to be carrying the heavier pack of chicken rice. As if instinctively, I swapped my lighter plastic bag of desserts for his bag.. I may hate his work attitude, but to me, he is still an old man... maybe i miss my ah gong when i'm around elderly men...
then there was this instance when that familar, sickening feeling just came out of nowhere and strike me... I never expected it to strike me.. it seems the harder i try to fight my emotions, the harder they repel back. But, this time around, I wasn't fighting anything... or perhaps i was wrong?
probably due to my past experiences. now sometimes i like to pre-empt things. I like to think ahead and think about a best case senario. I begin to feel that, though this possesses as many pros as it does cons. Sometimes, I may just skip a likely positive senario just because I feel that there will/may be hiccups in my journey. Many a times, it resulted in irreversible regret.
Is this latest emotion a premonition, or just simply a sign, a go-ahead?
I really do not know.
There are, of course, many things I did which I regretted. Some of which are still fresh. How do i prevent myself from making the same mistakes over again? I may not possess as much foresight as I had thought.
- i hope u are doing well there and all the best. I'm sorry for my past folly.
i was here @
2:28 AM.