Tuesday, April 29, 2008
[[and so she said i'm inspirational]]
there was this QN in our school character profiling quiz..
"What would you die for?"
to my amazement, i replied without any hesitation
"Country, family, friends"
haha...
and what follows is the msn convo btwn Cheryl and I...
(after hearing my answer)
C: what had ns done to you.
me: alot... i reali matured alot after army... duNo leh. i thk im only one of the handful who likes the arMY for wat it is... saw the imptance of Singapore hvnig a gd armY... and alot of my thking matured... it Helped me understand my father's strict upbringing better and appreciate my family n impt ppl more... im thankful for that, bcos i was more guai to my ah gong after i enlisted.. and i hope that he knows and that he died knowing he had a filial Grand son
C: waaaa.. you go open ns talk
Me: i can, hahah... had this close fren. his thking also changed after i talked to him... last time , he was quite diao er lang dang... then i told him my experiences in the army and stuff... then after he enlisted, he became more responsible too... he signed on .. and is now a naval officer... i hv 2 close buddies... all 3 of us lke the military for various reasons. the other one is a radar specialist , also in the navy... i told them b4, my faith in them is strong engh to go to war tog with them
C: waaaaa.... the way you talk very inspirational leh... lols
Then she said i could go work for some famous guy who gives motivational talks.. haha...
i was here @
6:46 PM.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
[[Puma French'77 Racket Grip Bag...i want :(]]
FRENCH 77 RACKET GRIP BAG
oh my god, it looks so irresistable... especially with my vintage wood Yonex racquet handle sticking out of the holder... I believe that the Puma French'77 series would be in store soon, and that it would be more easily attainable compared to that damn rooster from Le Coq Sportif which i had been frantically trying to hunt for, both online and offline. No thanks too, to the unhelpful staff of Royal Sporting House.
Over the years, I noticed that Puma has drastically evolved and their concept, mainstream ranges have been improved by leaps and bounds.. in fact, i own 2 of their jackets, one of which is modified into a Seigaku Puma jacket..haha.. i window-shop alot at the Puma stores alot these days... and i am thankful that my bank account balance is on the low side, or the cash registers at Puma would be ringing non-stop...
more articles on the upcoming French'77 series.. link 1, link 2, Puma link
Puma Glow Rider
also, i'm not sure if you guys noticed the Puma bike hanging at the Puma concept stores. PS:there's one at the Tampines Mall outlet... though it has an uncool pricetag, the bike itself sure looks cool, and it certainly is so cool that it will glow in the dark.. check out the main site here.
i don't know what this is.. but it's in one of the French'77 articles, and it looks really cool haha... site here
i was here @
5:55 AM.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
[[Belated thanx for coming..]]
Thanks guys, for coming to my ah gong's funeral... its a little late, but i have been busy.
It feels good to have things planned out, though i'm starting to get a little busy again..
thank you, sansan, eric, jiajing, ivan, willie, alex, wai, kenny, ailin, yooki, zhihao and hwee teng for coming down.
i really appreciate it..
i was looking thru old photo albums, i can't find many of ah gong's pictures..
Sunday was the 7th day since he died. He didn't come back to find me.. I wrote a note telling him that i am sorry and left it on my table but i'm not sure he saw it. I left a pen there, neither did he write me anything..
I like to take photos with people. I always felt that photos are everlasting pieces of our memory that can never be destroyed. I feel even more strongly this way now that ah gong is gone. His Bday this year.. the very last one he will ever have. I had wanted to take a picture with him.. but for some reason, due to the hectic and rushed time spent there, i forgot to take a picture with him, and left. At that point, I could actually turn back and still have the chance to take a picture with him. However, I didn't.
This is one of the few regrets that i have in my life. That was the last Bday i will ever spend with ah gong. My friends tell me that he knows that I am guai to him, but I don't really know. I want him to tell me. I want to tell him sorry. Sorry that I have not done enough for him.
The last day of the funeral, I had wanted to carry his coffin, but caretakers wheeled it out. I didn't shed a tear when i saw his coffin being pushed into the furnace, neither did i when his remains were released into the sea. Why didn't i feel anything?
My friends keep saying that I am too emotional and stuff. I hate that. Once in a while i will talk about sad things, unhappy things. Because i want to be reminded about these things so that i will know how to treasure the happy things that i am previledged to have. They who ask me to accept the shit way things are, probably don't experience sad things themselves. Knowing that something is wrong, how can anyone have any happiness. THat is unless, he doesn't care enough to be affected by that unhappy incident.
Unless the preacher is living my life, he/she should not be the one telling me how to live it.
Once again, my character changed a little after ah gong died.
I tell myself it is never too troublesome to turn back. To turn that stone that have been left unturned. Many times in life, you just don't get that many chances. Be the best you can be. Saying this, i really regret not taking a photo with you as i had intended to that night.
Of course i would like it if one can be there by my side all the time. But i would really appreciate it that even though one is unavailable largely, one would appear during the most needed times.
I want to watch that Korean show again. "The Ride Home" or something. I know I would cry when I watch that. I wished I don't have to watch it alone..
i was here @
9:40 PM.
Monday, April 14, 2008
[[ah gong zou le...]]
i feel so unfilial.....
i couldn't even see him for the last time...
why they told me so fucking late... there was engh time... nabei la....
FUCK YOU ALL LA
twice i wasn't around for ah gong...
i wasn't around when he fell and knocked his head and ended up in his current state...
i wasn't around again when he had to leave..
i will never know if he could even recognise me throughout this period.
i was here @
8:40 AM.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
[[this thing, i do not wish to prepare for...]]
it is my character that i want to be prepared for things. I want to pre-empt the forth coming situation and be ready for it.
But for the first time in my life.. i am sitting this one out...
earlier in the evening, my pa and ah ma were looking for Pictures of my ah gong... the last time they did that was back then when he first fell...
my ma just told me that they called to say ah gong now like not good again.. she asked me if i have any blue, black or white clothes.. i didn't bother to check, i just said no.
from my backview, i probably looked like i was messing around with my one-sixth figures, but from my point of view, i could see that my tears are falling all over the place...
i was here @
7:04 PM.
[[ah gong... so is this it?]]
few days back, i had wanted to blog that i could change anything, that i could do anything as long as i tried... it was because i had conquered one problem that i faced the previous week.
for the benefit of my peers and whomever who reads this, i hope you can learn from my experience. When you encounter a problem, avoiding it won't make it go away. It only lets you forget momentarily. Doing something, anything, even if it doesn't not solve the problem, will definitely improve the situation by any measure better than not doing anything at all. Even in the worst case scenario where nothing changes, you can still at least learn from your mistakes.
I'm not talking big. I'm making an example out of my own experience. Just recently, i was delivering letters for MOH. Somehow, I took a consignment which was apparantly too big for me to handle. I just procrastinating, kept brooding over the whole issue, kept making up excuses to my middleman that i needed to return the lot. However, in the end, i finally sat my ass down and tried to tackle the problem head on.
In the end, not only did i solve my problem, i even cleared the damn lot in double quick time. i hope you people can will do the same when faced with a problem. I see some of my friends, always running away from their problems, only to be plagued by them continuously.
anyway, i said i initially didn't want to blog that i could do anything because there was something that i know i will be powerless to effect any change. Something happened to ah gong on friday... they told me that he was gasping for breath. All my uncles and aunties went down. he had a heart attack. My ma later told me that he is ok le.. but after that, my gugu said that this week is very crucial for him. Even if he pulls through, he will be very weak, and we don't know how long more he will last... haizz... i feel very annoyed.. this is the 2nd time, wrong info is feeded to me. the previous time was when he fell, which had led to his current state. They only told me after he was admitted into ICU and lost his memory. Fuck.. haizz.. i keep trying to control my temper at home, but they just keep doing such stupid things. have they got no fucking brain? if he's ok, he's ok. If he's not, dont fucking tell me that he is...
i went down to see ah gong on sat. the nurse said that his condition is detoilerating. I stood there looking at him breathing through the respirator, trying to say something but too weak to even utter a word. I fought as bravely as ah gong to hold back my tears.. i went to the toilet, and wiped a bit of the moisture from my eyes.. it was only 1 day before that i proudly told myself that i could do anything as long as i gave it my all. But here i am now, staring helplessly. My mind drifited back to that time when he fell and hit his head at home. No one was at home. It was only when my ah ma came home, that she noticed blood on his pillow. He didn't even remember hitting his head. When they told me, it was already a day later, he had already in ICU and visitors were forbidden as the doctors said he had a TB relapse. Still i went in to see him. A few weeks later, my ma and i were diagnosed with latent TB. We had inactive TB cells in our lungs. My ma probably got it as her immune system wasn't good. I felt that i got it because i went into his isolation ward that night. And also because i always talked to ah gong at home.
I didn't say so explicitly, but i kept thinking why didn't i return home earlier. I had intended to return home from hall one day earlier, but i changed my mind at the last minute. Perhaps i could have caught him when he fell, maybe i could have known earlier that he fell and called for help earlier. There are endless possiblities. i asked myself why i couldn't have have answered most of them. I have been able to tackle most problems life has thrown at me so far, but there are just some things which i can't accomplish no matter how hard i try.
i know that everyone's time will come. I just wonder why i couldn't have done more. Ah gong's bday this year, i forgot to take a photo with him. I may never get a chance to take another photo with him again. The picture below was taken some time last year after i heard him saying he saw Buddha sitting beside him. I regretted not turning back to take a photo with him during his last bday.. i may never get to celebrate another bday with him
i was here @
5:00 PM.
Friday, April 11, 2008
[[OMG!.. a zaku phone with a Zaku head charger]]
article
"Zaku's head opens up for you to recharge the 913SH that comes in the package. The screen of the phone then switches to Mono-eye mode and moves left n right randomly.
If you get bored watching the eye, just flick a switch to watch TV as it has digital one-seg TV built in.
Apart from the usual camera, internet browsers, 1GB of internal memory and wot not, the phone also comes with pre-recorded Char phrases."
My Bday coming hor.. i dont mind getting this! hahahaha...
God Keron(below) is cute too.. but i got no more space in my room..haha
i was here @
6:37 AM.
[[OMG!.. a zaku phone with a Zaku head charger]]
article
"Zaku's head opens up for you to recharge the 913SH that comes in the package. The screen of the phone then switches to Mono-eye mode and moves left n right randomly.
If you get bored watching the eye, just flick a switch to watch TV as it has digital one-seg TV built in.
Apart from the usual camera, internet browsers, 1GB of internal memory and wot not, the phone also comes with pre-recorded Char phrases."
My Bday coming hor.. i dont mind getting this! hahahaha...
God Keron(below) is cute too.. but i got no more space in my room..haha
i was here @
6:37 AM.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
[[Repost: I wanna be a vintage tennis player]]
Link
i was here @
7:10 PM.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
[[i am patient towards old folks]]
i always believe that when pushed to the limit.. most man's senses heighten. They become more self-aware and observe and notice things that they normally would not...
owing to my predicament now, i experience this momentary ESP.
and it is at the same moment, i happened to be watching the Ch8 documentary on
garung gunis. Seeing how the old uncle and auntie have to toil to earn a meagre pay, i felt a wave of emotions rush through me. i can't really tell what is that feeling.. maybe i feel fortunate that i don't have to work that hard.. but i think it's the sight of the old folks that give me that emotional tsunami.
somehow, i always have a soft spot for old people and young kids... that day, i was taking MRT home.. then this old lady came to sit beisde me. All of sudden, she starts talking to me about over-eating and growing fat, not being able to walk.. she repeated that more than 10 times for the entire duration of the train ride. I just sat there, listen to her patiently, nodding or replying in acknowledgement to what she says.. I think she is senile, and after some time, i realise she was refering to the fat man sitting in front of us.. Fortunately, he was a malay and he didnt understand what she's saying...
i noticed i am very patient with old folks.. i just feel that they are very gentle and sometimes even though they talk non-stop and dont seem to make any sense, i will listen to them talk. I feel that they hv accumilated a wealth of experience for as long as they lived. Never mind that, it may not be something that we can learn from, but they want to share something with us..
hmmmm.. i'm a very strange person.. i never treat 2 person the same way.. maybe similar, but never the same... i feel that everyone is unique, and i should treat everyone differently... Though i will treat every asshole as an asshole.. those people whom i dislike know very well who they are... and no point rebuking.. i have supporters of my opnion anyway..
jialat.. i also dunno what i'm saying now.. hmmm,,, jsut have alot of thoughts in me now....
haizz.. i have not jogged.. ippt on sat.. and so stressed about the letters...
i was here @
7:21 PM.
Monday, April 07, 2008
[[i want this Sportif tennis bag!!]]
and this vintage top too...
I can't find it anywhere, even online... i tried the Sportif site, but the whole damn site is in french.. i cant navigate it also... argh....
i was here @
11:49 PM.
[[fanned,,,]]
haizz... so fann.... trapped between the 2 walls of oligation and duty.... how to get out...
and another ceiling of shit threatens to crumble....
i was here @
3:41 PM.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
[[Jackass the Movie... definitely not for the weak]]
i nearly vomited from some of the acts they carried out... eg. drinking horse semen...
watched 2.5 and Number 2... after watching the first movie, that will be the end. no encores pls...
i was here @
1:58 PM.