Tuesday, January 30, 2007
[[polo.... scofield...]]
It was music to my ears... We are getting that well-deserved Polo Finals Rematch... I sms the team right after big fat Jackie called... those who never got my msg probably heard me screaming from my window...
This is the time to reali fucking whoop ass... all those bloody buggers out there who got any fucking issue with Three, take it to the pool... our gameplay will shut ur ass up... I am going to start jogging again to prep my legs... This is the only time so far that I am running.... my legs seem busted for good... Anyway, I am sick of hearing that Three is so and so, Three is fucked up... ok
FUCK YOU LA hor... dont bother making any comments if you only dare to talk out of the pool.. fucking piece of shit.... see also sian... fuck... i feel bad that I have never been to any of the appeals.. Haiya Jackie will probably say i'm lying..
Flunked the Open last nite... the doubles was good.. though we lost but I know I played well... it brought up mmy confidence for the singles.. but for some reason, I cant find my rythmn for it... And I thought my opponent can't play.. haha..
watched Prison Break last night.. the latest Episode.. finally it's out... I remember there was an Episode.. the psychitris told the doctor that Scofield had a very perculiar behavior... He was very sensitive to the sufferings around him... Probably because he had personnally been through it before... maybe i'm just like him.. but unlike him, I lack his wisdom or wit.. I can't really make most things happen.. as hard as i may try.. there are many things that I can do. but I'm glad I tried my best... sometimes it's lonely doing all these things.. but i would feel worse if I just stood by and did nothing and watch something that is wrong continue to rot... Perhaps too many a time, i was left to fend for myself.. which resulted in me not wanting to see people helpless.. most of the time, I have more luck helping others other than myself..
I don't like it.. as I put it.. My serve never gets a deserved return.... My actions never get reciprocated... how long has it been that I did anything for anyone and that someone was there for me too...
Ma said that they know i'm good.. jsut that they never say it out.. it's not that.. if it's that, it's ok.. but the thing is that whatever I hear from Pa is always that I'm not good enough.. in the past, i would feel anger.. but now I would try to improve myself... however most of the times, i do feel that I reali am misunderstood...
I want to be as smart as him but I cant... I cant learn anything from him when he just asks me, "do you know about so and so thing?" and stop talking when I say I didn't know... I always refer to him as a S2 and me, an Intspec.. probably cos I was indeed an Intspec in the army... if he can predict a course that will be vital 6 years before it happened... i dont understand why he cant pass on his wisdom to me... like in the army.. the best Int spec in the army can't work if the S2 does not feed him information and guide him... I can never learn this way... and it doesnt help that they dare not let me try alot of things since young.. for fuck they wan to be so strick.. every thign also scared... even driving out to have suppper... its as though I am going for war.. "Why go so far?? GO nearer place to eat"" such stupid nonsense... if nothing of importance is not worth doing then life is worth living...
I'm really sick and tired of being this stupid lone ranger... but i know i wont quit doing what I do.. its not in my blood.. after all the misery i have been through.. I cant bear to be a bystander.. though at times, i have to take into account piority....
i was here @
10:35 AM.