Thursday, December 14, 2006
[[my Pa.. ah gong..]]
just watched World Trade Centre... the movie with Nicholas Cage in it... cant remember which part was it... perhaps, the part that Nicholas Cage teaching his son to saw that made me teared...
maybe it made me think of my own father... as in the show... fathers would always want their sons to grow up to be like them... of course i'm not talking about fathers who are robbers or wat... the former who always have something to teach their kids... there's a way they want them to grow up to be...
i never really knew what my father wanted out of me... i managed to understand a little when i was in the Army... i realised that his strict upbringing and attention to details are due to his time in the Airforce and his character... i understood what he wanted to teach me after 18 yrs.. still, till this day, there are things i never fully understood about him...
I never really talked to him, and vice versa... many a times, the most effective conversations i had with him were rather unconventional situations... i dont know what i am trying to put across here...
yesterday... Ma callled.... she asked if i told Pa that i needed some sports equipment... i said i mentioned needing a pair of stud shoes, which i changed my mind about, and trunks... she said Pa told her that he was going to look for them later... I dont know why.. somehow it sounded unfamiliar to me... its as though i never thought of Pa to do this kind of things... yet deep down inside, i knew he would..... he knew what i wanted... perhaps more times then i thought he knew... but also at times, he may not have known...
i tried to understand what he wanted... but many a times, it seemed i got it wrong... many people got him wrong too... that's why i spoke up during my last Bday party... i could call it my first Bday party.. never really celebrated since it always clashes with exams... i dont know if he or anyone would ever know what i wanted for him...
remember last Wed when i went with ah gong and Gugu to Changi hospital? ...i thought that he never recognised me... a few days after that, Gu gu called to tell me that he's very happy.. he said i was very guai to go visit him, even though it's only once a week... i guess he still recognised me... but i have to visit him often, otherwise he would forget, as he did before... when ever i go to see him... i never really say anything to him... i dont know what to say also.. i just stand there... but i still want o go visit him... i dont want him to die, forgetting that i'm his grandson..
PS: hey man JJ, i never implied that you are nt as filial last night, it's just me to want to do more for my family. dont get me wrong..i was quite surprised to hear that he is happy with what little i did... perhaps he was the only other person to be easily contented with what i did for him... the other 2, are probably Elicia and Audris.. my 2 little cousins.. they are always elated when they see me... running and jumping towards me whenever they see my coming... always wanting me to carry them.. end up, i carry both of them in both my arms... when i went to their house to help their father set up the wireless modem.. they would whine and plead just to come into the room with me... when they were refused, they would promise that they will just sit quietly there and read their books, which they did...
here's my little gfs,
maybe thats why i like little children and babies.. they are always so happy to see you... so happy to get things from you... and somehow or rather, despite my bulk, kids always seem to like me after getting warmed up to me.. always wanting to play with me and disturb me... sometimes they are just so naive and cute... like Audris.. she would always take me by the hand and ask me why i am so tall, so big size.. sometimes she would try to lift me up which she fails... they are just so cute... unlike more grown-ups i see... who are just not grown-up...
well ok.. take for example one... no need to name him.. it's not as though he dont know who he is... he likes to fuck, scold in this context, his fren's gfs in their faces... and bear a grudge with his fren's who scold fuck him back... when in the first place... he got angry with the gfs for no dumb fuck reason and the fault of it is probably his own warped conception... and he would go aound telling people that he hateed someone when that someone still treated him like a fren... and guess what... he said he hated A because A was B's roommate whom he hated!... amazing what 21 yrs of age he grew up to be...
you can have everything... but with EQ like this... one can only die in the workforce in future.. people out there may not be as patient, and forgiving to your nonsense and worst still, you wont have many frens there for you...
i was here @
11:38 AM.