[ Tots of the Gundam Prince ]

Sunday, December 31, 2006

[[Pasta Mania]]

tried making pasta with JinJin that day with the Ikea meatballs...

i was here @
2:22 AM.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

[[death... i saw it..]]

its the third death i knew of this 2 weeks.. the first is my wai gong, then JJ's ah gong... now my Grandaunt.. i made the right decision to visit her lsat week and last evening...

she passed away in the house.. i'm not close with her... but she willl call me ah boy n stuff when she sees my when the family gets together once in a blue moon.. she knows who i am.. i just felt that it was right to visit her while i still can... i think i made the right choice... the people in the house cried as the doctor annouced her death.. i didn't.. at one point i nearly did... my vision blurrred.. but not because of my grandaunt.. i imagined if it were my Mama... my heart ached... there's still so much i have not done... this night made me want to be home more often... the hols are coming to an end... my four day week is busted because of a UE on fri... i thought i could go home earlier... in any case, i busted last sem.. now i'm in deep shit... how the hell do i locate my mentor?? alot of probs to settle.. my strenght is also my bane...

i stayed in hall again tonite... tmr got rugby... its not that i want my hall to lose.. but i hope we dont win... otherwise it would mean more time away from my family... i was talking to amanda that day... unlike her, i knew very little about my own family.... i'm trying to get close to them.. but i dunno how...

this is one of those times ii feel lost and alone again...

i cant solve my own probs... and i dont know what to do about things i feel about home... some people tell me that i don't seem the sort, but they feel that i'm filial from the things i say and do... my feelings are true.. they are not a show... i hope i am not misunderstood..

Mama's Bday is a month away.. i wonder how long it's been that i last gave her a Bday present.. i just dont know how to... why am i like that.. this time, i have no clue either.. but i feel like giving her the letter that i had intended so long ago... PS: if you know how to help me, help me, pls..

I can feel it man... when Ma says things about me.. she is like so proud of me, although sometimes she gets things wrong.... like when people ask why i am so black... she would always happily say that its because i swim alot when its because of tennis or waterpolo.... but i can feel it.. she feels happy talking about her son...

i still see no point in studying... its going to get me again..

i seriously need help... but in the first place.. i dont know what the fuck is my prob...

initially i had some happier things to blog about... well... i dont know now...

anyway,

the belated xmas gift inside seemed too cheapo so i decided to make my own carrier... I'm glad you liked it... thankfully i chose the right gift!

by the way... i'm this little kid's uncle..

i'm so black la

PS: you seemed troubled.. what happened? can i help you??

i was here @
2:15 AM.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

[[Sgt of Tennis]]

hmmm... elbow hurts.... i cant strain it too much.. think i got tennis elbow... its really soon ah.. its only been 5 mths since i started playing tennis... guessed i tried too many stunts i saw from Prince of Tennis... i have my Tarik Ball, and my version of the hardoukuu and rising shot haha...

like what sia.... as in the show... the hardoukuu can't be used in succession or the arm will break.... been trying to play normally these days...

the game today is postponed to tmr because of the bloody rain.. fuck leh... haizz.. go all the way down for fuck....

its another day tmr....holidays coming to an end....

i'm going to stay home this week...

i have been away for too long..

i was here @
10:36 PM.

[[faith...faithless]]

just finished watching Umizaru 2... watched part 1 yesterday

its a Jap movie about Search n Rescue divers... i think it's the inspiration behind the Hollywood version of The Guardian...

i really like both the prequel and the Sequel of Umizaru... it's really inspiring... seeing the men going against orders to save their friends.. sticking together through the shit.. the pride.. never hesitating to risk themselves for their friends...

people think i'm foolish... they say it's just a show.. yes, it's just a show... but why does the human spirit only exist in movies... i fail to see it in real life... of course there are times when i have my apprehensions... but i always to be the best i can be...

in Umizaru 2, another aspect of the human spirit was displayed... Love..

the diver never gave up... because he knew, no matter how tough his journey was... his loved one is standing there at the finishing line, waiting for him... this is what keeps him going... he knew no fear oweing to his faith in her...

it's a very magnificant thing.. i have myself experienced this twice... i felt like i was king... there was no stopping me... no matter what was thrown at me.. i could take it.. but unlike the movie, i reached the finishing line alone... there wasnt anyone waiting for me there... there wasnt anyone there as promised...for the 2nd time, i never expected anything in return... i never sought any gains... however the first, it's been 2 over years.. i still dont understand what happened... i look back on the things... the msgs written, the promises.. i dont know how it changed over night... till this day, i still feel the pain...

i can never explain this... how is it i feel this way... ppl say i cant let it go... how do i? this hurt is too much... fortunately, like i always say... i cant change the way i feel, but i can at least control my actions... i'm not acting crazy...

ahh.. fuck.... why am i saying all these...

anyway.. one gd example of a guy who can control his actions despite his emotions is this YunZhi
guy in the Channel U airplane show... poeple who watch the show should understand what im saying..

i was here @
1:25 AM.

Monday, December 25, 2006

[[rotten luck]]

this has got to be the most unlucky xmas in my life...

had a teppanyaki supper with jinjin, alex, to celebrate Godwin's Bday... when i was parking... this giant cockroach just appeared on my windscreen and distracted me the whole time... to make matters worse, the side mirror is out of position, which i'm unaware of.. as i result, i scratched the left back of the car... i only saw the scratch when i came home, it cant be cleaned off... wat the fuck....

earlier, i forgot to warn Godwin to scrub the hot plate gently. as a result, it got scratched too!
and when i finally got home, i realised i forgot to bring my key, which has never happened before... luckily elwyn picked up his phone at 6am to open the door for me...

its damn fucking suay la.... wah kao eh....

i got a little gift already.. it seems to little... hmmm

i didnt get anything for my parents.. i dunno what to... hmm.. hopeless...

haiya.. fuck.. so many random thoughts

i was here @
4:12 PM.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

[[chimmney ranger]]

boring hols... so sian.... and a lonely xmas, sitting by the chimmney.... haizzz

i still got no idea wat to get for amanda... that day she called... asked if i got those little gundams.. i thk its those in a capsule... says she's getting one for me for xmas... got me by surprise haha.. anyway... i got to get her smthg too... hmm.. but nt too sure wat... i thk i make things easy for people... anyone who knows me, knows what i like...

bloody hell sia... yday stayed back in school for nothing.. my tennis game walkover another hall.. waste my time... i think i'm getting back my feel of tennis soon.... but playing a proper match is still very different from rallying the ball.... see how la...

i was here @
11:10 AM.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

[[courtesy]]

its understandable if one is unable to reply to a sms or msn msg... but i see no reason why he cant reply it later when he sees it.. better late than never applys to this... i believe its only a form of courtesy....

i was here @
6:49 PM.

[[what are frens for?]]

so, what are friends for?

i have no answer for that...

they dont have to be there all the time.... but they are no where to be see when they are needed... i read somewhere once.... frens are not frens when they dont call you along when they go out, nor do they show up when you call them... it may seems strange but i never seem to be able to find any company to do things... i'm always this lone ranger... but i'm grateful to Miss Candy and Samatha... even though i never really did anything for them, they offered me company... yet, people whom i thought would, did otherwise....

i wonder if it's the rain that makes the days so cold these days...

but that doesnt stop me from doing what i always do... whenever i see smthg wrong, i'll still attend to it... JJ told me last night... alot of thgs are beyond your control... i noe..

i may not be able to solve the problem entirely but at least i'm doing smthg about it... i cant bring myself to ignore anything i see.. perhaps its bcos i was left for the dead alone too many times... i can never stand by and do nothing... probs i see at home... i still cant solve them.. but i'm doing my best to prevent them from getting out of hand... it's better than not doing anything....

i'm listening to the windstruck song 'Parangeerato Chopta'... i did not want to hear that song... bcos it will rake up sad memories... but since i'm already feeling so low.. i dont thk it makes any difference... but i still forbid myself from watching Windstruck...

i was here @
5:21 PM.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

[[mixed feelings...]]

my feelings now... indescribable.... i'm quite sad that i was never realli did anything for ah gong...

he's alert but at the same time blur... he asks intelligent Qns like have we eaten.. but he will ask more than once.. i dunno i can do for him... he cant realli hear very well too... i dunno how much did he hear of what i said..

on the hand..... i'm just fucking irritated.... everytime im driving with my fahter on my right... he's fucking irritating... keep saying my driving wrong... how the bloody fuck am i supposed to concentrate n drive properly when he's fucking yawking away... always comment on somethign and after i try to do that way, there's yet another thing....

i dont have any problems when i drive alone... but with him by my side... i get horned, tailgated, ovvertaken... every fuck shit.... for fuck he tell me he has 20 yrs driving experience... safe driving is a thing of the past...

last time ppl still abided by the rules.... nowadays.. the bloody youngsters drive like itsuki... once he scolded me for swerving the car away from another in front which suddenly braked... he said should have horned... cos the car on the outer lane would not have expected me to swerve out... ya, but before swerving out.. i had already fucking checked clear my blind spot... sounding off the horn doesnt work on a car who jam brakes... honking at him wont make him accelerate again... on top of that, i doubt the brakes on the bloody Matrix are that responsive... steering clear is the best option... dumbass...

i was here @
11:28 AM.

[[ah gong fell down again..]]

i was about to return to sch for polo match... then ma said hospital called... ah gong fell down again...

twice he fell, and i wasnt there.... how the fuck it happened man....

its barely hours after the post on Wai Gong...

often, poeple who need me more, i'm unable to proteect them....

i wished i had someone to turn to whenever shit like this happens...

i was here @
3:54 AM.

[[Wai Gong passed away...]]

just days after the previous post on my ah gong, my wai gong, my maternal Gfather passed away...

in a way, i'm thankful that it's not my ah gong who's the one... i'm not close with wai gong... seeing him only during CNY i think..

Ma say this wkend no time to visit ah gong, have to be at the wake... got such thg one meh...
i dont wan to stop visiting ah gong for too long... once a week is already short enough... i dont want him to forget who am i again...

tmr have to go back school again for water polo... si bei sian leh.... like desiree mentioned... we have more time when it's not the hols...

its getting a bore...

very sian also... cant find anyone for company to do things together, go gaigai or wat... my friends who would normally dosome things together, are quite a cold blanket most of the times as well...

it's just so quiet...

i was here @
12:07 AM.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

[[my Pa.. ah gong..]]

just watched World Trade Centre... the movie with Nicholas Cage in it... cant remember which part was it... perhaps, the part that Nicholas Cage teaching his son to saw that made me teared...

maybe it made me think of my own father... as in the show... fathers would always want their sons to grow up to be like them... of course i'm not talking about fathers who are robbers or wat... the former who always have something to teach their kids... there's a way they want them to grow up to be...

i never really knew what my father wanted out of me... i managed to understand a little when i was in the Army... i realised that his strict upbringing and attention to details are due to his time in the Airforce and his character... i understood what he wanted to teach me after 18 yrs.. still, till this day, there are things i never fully understood about him...

I never really talked to him, and vice versa... many a times, the most effective conversations i had with him were rather unconventional situations... i dont know what i am trying to put across here...

yesterday... Ma callled.... she asked if i told Pa that i needed some sports equipment... i said i mentioned needing a pair of stud shoes, which i changed my mind about, and trunks... she said Pa told her that he was going to look for them later... I dont know why.. somehow it sounded unfamiliar to me... its as though i never thought of Pa to do this kind of things... yet deep down inside, i knew he would..... he knew what i wanted... perhaps more times then i thought he knew... but also at times, he may not have known...

i tried to understand what he wanted... but many a times, it seemed i got it wrong... many people got him wrong too... that's why i spoke up during my last Bday party... i could call it my first Bday party.. never really celebrated since it always clashes with exams... i dont know if he or anyone would ever know what i wanted for him...

remember last Wed when i went with ah gong and Gugu to Changi hospital? ...i thought that he never recognised me... a few days after that, Gu gu called to tell me that he's very happy.. he said i was very guai to go visit him, even though it's only once a week... i guess he still recognised me... but i have to visit him often, otherwise he would forget, as he did before... when ever i go to see him... i never really say anything to him... i dont know what to say also.. i just stand there... but i still want o go visit him... i dont want him to die, forgetting that i'm his grandson..
PS: hey man JJ, i never implied that you are nt as filial last night, it's just me to want to do more for my family. dont get me wrong..

i was quite surprised to hear that he is happy with what little i did... perhaps he was the only other person to be easily contented with what i did for him... the other 2, are probably Elicia and Audris.. my 2 little cousins.. they are always elated when they see me... running and jumping towards me whenever they see my coming... always wanting me to carry them.. end up, i carry both of them in both my arms... when i went to their house to help their father set up the wireless modem.. they would whine and plead just to come into the room with me... when they were refused, they would promise that they will just sit quietly there and read their books, which they did...

here's my little gfs,

maybe thats why i like little children and babies.. they are always so happy to see you... so happy to get things from you... and somehow or rather, despite my bulk, kids always seem to like me after getting warmed up to me.. always wanting to play with me and disturb me... sometimes they are just so naive and cute... like Audris.. she would always take me by the hand and ask me why i am so tall, so big size.. sometimes she would try to lift me up which she fails... they are just so cute... unlike more grown-ups i see... who are just not grown-up...

well ok.. take for example one... no need to name him.. it's not as though he dont know who he is... he likes to fuck, scold in this context, his fren's gfs in their faces... and bear a grudge with his fren's who scold fuck him back... when in the first place... he got angry with the gfs for no dumb fuck reason and the fault of it is probably his own warped conception... and he would go aound telling people that he hateed someone when that someone still treated him like a fren... and guess what... he said he hated A because A was B's roommate whom he hated!... amazing what 21 yrs of age he grew up to be...

you can have everything... but with EQ like this... one can only die in the workforce in future.. people out there may not be as patient, and forgiving to your nonsense and worst still, you wont have many frens there for you...

i was here @
11:38 AM.

Monday, December 11, 2006

[[Team PSP.. update]]

RO for the date...

Gentlemen.... we now have NFS Carbon in our inventry too...

i was here @
10:45 PM.

[[Team PSP TURN OUT!!!]]

after a lull period of donkey months... Sgt PSP has once again mobilised Team PSP after he has repaired his PSP.... games are coming in by the butt load again.... refer to my PSP section ah... haha... all are welcomed to enlist in Team PSP ah....

just to name a few of our new entries....

Initial D Street Stage... Ape Escape... Crash Team Racing... Dragonball Z Shin Budokai ... Gradius Collection... King Kong... Ace Combat... Medal of Honour... Star Wars Lethal Alliance... Work Time Fun... Killzone Liberation

Sgt's PSP taking centre-stage...

Wireless Virtual Tennis...

i was here @
7:43 PM.

Friday, December 08, 2006

[[backkkk]]

so long nv blog already huh... so many things happened... so many random thoughts.... have been coming back almost everyday for sports... had some movie/supper last night with some of the Mambo people... that yulin super enthusiastic about it sia.... at first i thought a few people only, in the end, i think she emailed all of NTU minus the Profs and the canteen aunties.. she even sms everyone the night before... RESPECT.. cooked ramly burger, prata etc... earlier in the evening, Amanda came my room to use the internet.. always forget things one... forgot to bring keys, then kena stuck in canteen to do work.. so i just tot ask her come up since we are meeting the guys later for dinner then grocery shopping.. wow.. she koped alot of movies from my HDD man... all accumilated thankx to NetScan.. wonderful program... but to be use with extreme caution.... PS: where ur post went to? i hven commented and it disappeared! haha

http://mambo06.multiply.com/photos/album/14

supposed to be the swim manager, but the polo manager went back to Indonesia... so become lim pei do.... and i ended up playing aso.... playing is fun.. but haiyo... not enough people in the team... jialat man... then the match dates and times were not given to me aso.. when asked for it.. i was greeted with silence as well... yeah so cool...

playing rugby too.. crazy man.. playing all the sports i nv played before... need a pair of cheap stud shoes.. otherwise i will slidiing all over the field....

si bei sian... these days, have been seeing fuckers... dunno why.. just too arrogent.. hmm.. never not like them can already....

brought ah gong to hospital on Wed.. actually i was there with gu gu... although he smiles at me and stuff... i wonder does he really recognise me.... back then he forgotten who i was... even though i was the one most polite to him... now it's the hol.. yet he is in hospital, so he cant see me that often also.... maybe i'm a coward also... i didnt really go see him much... i want to go visit him, because i dont want him to forget that i am his grandson... but i dont know what i can do to stop his memory loss.. whenever i encounter things that i have no solutions for, i would just stop in my tracks.... i'm not running away from these problems, but neither am i tackling them... is this cowardice? I dont know...

similarly... i know that she's seems to be very hurt.. her blog is closed.... i wont know anything now.... till today, i have yet to call to ask how is she... i want very much to... but i dare not.. this is the first time i am like this... because i'm afraid that i have no solutions to her problems... in the past, i could do anything for her... not anymore.. i fear failure... she was the only one that i did everything right...

tsk... haizz... dunno la.. guess these 2 instances are proof enough that i am not as brave as i though i am...

there's this airplane show on Ch U at 10pm.... there's this high-flyer pilot who liked a stewdess.. i dont reali know the story.. they loved each other... but the girl married another pilot due to some misunderstanding... the former still liked her but he didn't bastard the other pilot who was also his gd friend... but there was one incident when the stewardess apparantly lost some story book she liked.. the pilot bought another one for her.. he very much wanted to give it to her...until he realised that her husband made a bed like the one in the story book for her.. he said, instead of reading it in a book, might as well let her be like the princess in the story... in the end, the pilot, did not give her the book.. i guess he knew his book was nothing compared to what her husband did.. but he has the heart to want to do things that he knows the girl wants.. he did it without any ill intentions, he just did things that he felt that will make the ger happy...

the things he did.... i saw someone in him.... it's just all too familiar... sometime back... Samatha asked me... is it worth it to hold on.. like keep liking or do things for a person special to you, when it seems futile in all aspects.. i asked her, then do you only do things that are worth your while.... esepcially when you are talking about a special someone... you do things out of your heart... you want to do things for him/her... to make him/her happy.. if you start questioning your purpose... i'm afraid that ur heart is weakened...

thats the case with alot of girls i see these days... especially those attached... as long as someone gives her more attention, she will be inclined to him.. fuck the boyfriend... then i think they shouldnt be too unforgiving when her husband gets appreciation from another woman after they are married...

i was here @
1:18 PM.