Sunday, November 12, 2006
[[extingusihed]]
cant get my fire burning... i think i need new eurobeat... i dunno whats putting out my fire but it's definitely not abt a broken heart... what the hell... tiresome to repeat time after time...
i'm ignoring econs and computing... cant make it.. Chem is the last paper.. so it'll have to be ignored anyway for the time being... i can't push myself.. i think i got a volatile ass... can't sit still for too long... it;s not helping that 3 out of 5 subjects are something i have not taken before in JC.... Ya ya.. people will say accept the system... blah blah blah.. but nothing we are learning really gears us for our work life.... fuck..
then the Hall Allocation System is out... fuck la... Hall Biasition System la.. they should register all cars coming into NTU.. all students who drive to school everyday are immediately denied a place in hall... FOR BLOODY FUCK do you need a fucking hall when you drive a fucking car every fucking day... Just to be closer to all the new age materialistic bimbos and xian them right... what sia... faster xian so that all that's left are the decent gers... and then fuck off from Hall la.. give the place to people who stay far and really need the place... Fuck ass... All the ah xia kia in my Hall.. see already aso dulan... i think they had plastic surgery... got that 24/7 fuck face plus smirk... enhaced with Botex or soemthing...
just that day.. this bugger with the old Honda from my hall took a sharp turn at a junction without signalling... if he had honked me... i tell you... one fine day, i will go and zhng some vinyl on his fucking car with my penknife..
ok la... enough thrashing.. cant be bothered...
I think i'm getting a Nintendo Wii.. it's controller is awesome....
i got a mass email form Peili some days back.. i saw it before... there was one story about a Guy going on a dinner with his mother when he's grown up...back when i first saw that email.. i had wanted to do the same for Ma.. i can't remember when.. perhaps it was Mother's Day.. in the end, i didn't.. i didn't know how to... moreover, i had that big quarrel at that time with Pa who was disillusioned.. it seems every year or few years, i have to wake him up.. i had wanted to go out with Mama.. but dunno go where. i remember when i was young.. very young. she used to take me out... then she would bring me to her office and i would play with my toys while she does her work... i remember that there was once too...she came home in the afternoon then she got me a ninja turtle toy.. Raphael. I said i needed a bad guy to play with it..so some days later I got this frog guy.. which some years later, i realised it was a actually a good guy... anyway... i dunno man..alot of times, i want to do alot of things.. especially where home is concerned, but i dunno how to... i remember when i was just in sec 1... we had this orientation night.. then we went to school in the evening in home clothes... Ma went with me.. i remember we were at my old house at the lift lobby... she looked at me and smiled.. saying: Wow, (me) look so big already. Somehow I know there is this joy and pride in her..but i never knew how to smile back at my family... not that i didnt know how to care for them... i remember how i used to pester my Ma to hold my hand every night or I couldnt sleep.. i know i love my Ma very much..but during my birthday I didnt say much about her. I talked more about Pa whom I thought was mroe neglected... i had been nasty to Ma... i dunno why... i know it's wrong.. but time and again i err... nowadays i try to talk less for fear of saying the wrong things... Ma asked today, what soup i want to drink tomorrow, she would cook for me.. i told her just cook anything, i will drink one... after dinner every weekend, she would always ask me to put down the plates and go do my thing.. but i always ignore her and wash the stuff... cos if she cooks for me, i cant let her wash up after me... sometimes i see her mop the floor... i feel v sad... i dont wan her to do it.. but i knwo weekdays when i'm not around, my bro wont do one.. that's why i always fuck him... i cant always be everywhere looking out for everything... Weimin called me family man... maybe cos of these things i go home every fri.. just to have dinner... i dont know how to, but i want to go out my Ma... i just dont know how to.....
i saw ur blog... i dont know exactly know what you are going through now.. but i know it's definitely nothing pleasant... however, whenever i ask how are you doing, you reply you are fine. you know that you are not.. i dont know what i can do for you also... the world is not all full of hypocrites... i am not one.. you should know... i hope you can open up..let me help you again in what ever way i can...
i was here @
4:15 AM.