Sunday, October 29, 2006
[[heart]]
finally went to see ah gong today...
i think i know why i didn't go to see him for so long... i knew that i would be sad seeing him like this... today, he could recognise me... he held my hand so tight, i dont know why... then the feelings surged.. i just stood there and looked at him and cried..
ma asked me, "why?" I dont know why it seems that i'm the only one sad that ah gong is lying in hospital... what the fuck... initially when i got there. he was sleeping.. they say dont disturb him.. then for fuck i go there to see a sleeping patient.. and i know he would have wanted to see me too.. Ma say that it's easier to write down what I wanted to say to him and let him read it off paper cos he can't hear well.... she kept pushing me to take the notepad which i stubbornly refused... if not for the fact that I dont wan to be rude to her.. I would definitely fucked her there and then.. fucking irritating... for fuck, i let him read off a bloody sheet of paper? then might as well i post him a letter... fucking stupid.. so it would be better not for him to hear my voice la.. i can juz speak louder if he can't hear me..
last night, Pa was scolding dont know who... cos he was walking around while scolding... it started cos my fucking stupid brother once again, doing stupid thing. left his the mess he created lying around... then Pa was saying that everything dont do properly... when things spoil who repair etc.. its been long since he was last angry... anyway, about last night.. i aso dunno what the fuck was he mad with.. I only know that when I was in the army.. there are roaches rampant in my fucking kitchan with an occasional rat.. after I ORD... i was home everyday.. i made sure there was no rubish wat so ever lying around the house.. the pest disappeared... but now that i stay in hostel.. the fucking creatures are back... it's so fucking troublesome and disrupting to keep coming fromm hall every fri and staying for the whole weekend, but i do that so that I can eat with the family.. i dont need this kind of mindless nonsense... fucking stupid..
It's just so plain simple... i'm always there to look out for everyone and everything... but what the fuck happens when i;m in need... i have to sort it out my fucking slef... i have to stand alone there man...
it's downright sickening...
2 days back.. i happened to see the date on my watch and i wondered... how things might have been today... it would have been 4 over years already... i still dunno what happened back then.. which is why it still haunts me sometimes.. it probably left quite an impression because..that was probably the first time i really did something for someone, but i was left out in the cold to die.. it wasn't just anyone.. it was someone i cared for alot, and used to care the same way too.. i never knew what happened.. how everything suddenly changed in just 3 weeks... i made a bad decision back then.. i made another 2 years later...
i dunno what i'm saying now man... perhaps i'm too good at deception... that even i hide myself from myself... but that's only one side of me...there's the other that soaring with fire.. it's a balance that i keep in check...
i was here @
4:33 AM.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
[[Stomp!]]
guess what... my gundams got featured on Stomp! haha...
http://www.stomp.com.sg/gallery/mycollezione/slides/mycollezione%20(1).html
i was here @
12:43 PM.
[[]]
actually, this week and last week... i didn't go and see ah gong... i dunno why aso...
whenever i visit him, i dare not look at him for too long aso.. cos im afraid i would cry...
i dunno man
maybe im just weak
i was here @
12:06 PM.
[["BURNING!"]]
watched Dead or Alive just now... had the mind to stay in tonite for some studying, but still i went for... felt like having some brainless bimbo movie... damn.... exams are around the corner and i'm still not in the gear and the worst thing is I have alot of things that I'm unsure of... fuck yeah... I wanna go Vivo City too!!
been watching Prince of Tennis these days... dunno why it seeems i'm always into animes that revolve around a certain ace character who has a very unique ability and is damn good at what he does.. And this thing that he is good at, is competitive in nature.. u keep getting challenges and stuf... first it was Initial D, now Prince... I'm playing tennis alot these days.. up to 2 to 3 hrs each time, twice a week.. bought a new racquet too.. i'm not tt good yet... that's why i'm playing more... i tried a move from the anime, called Snake... it's sort of a ball with a wide sideward trajectory.. i tried many times before getting one by luck... I will try more moves man.. haha.. but damn, i can't even serve yet...
the strange thing is that I admire and look up to certain characters in the shows.. not the main character though.. but someone interesting enough...
Initial D: Kai Kogashiwa and his MR2 SW20..
MR2 vs the AE86this guy got me so intriged i actually went to sgcarmart to look for a used MR2... although he lost the battle, i found similar traits in both of us.. we were not the best there is, but for what we knew we were capable of, we gave it our best.. nv giving up till the end... even if we didn't hv the winning formular, the foot never leaves the pedal...
Prince of Tennis: Takeshi Kawamura
this guy got me laughing away uncontrollably in the MRT.. normally, he's a quiet and timid guy.. but when a racquet falls into his hands, it's like he is possessed and becomes a crazed rocket.. he shouts BURNING! DORREIYA! SORREIYA! like God of Foot when he plays tennis.... and his style is using Power... somewhat similar to my methods...
sometimes, i just draw inspiration from what i see in the animes..... people may think that it's foolish, childish.. anime? as far as i am concerned... fuck it man.. then what about disillutioned block heads who blindly envy people who are rich, good looking, have everything, etc.. they daydream as if it would materialise.. to me, that's fuck... at least I am inspired by the storylines enough to excel msyelf.. it's not farfetched.. it's just how you see your life.. but of course, i'm only human... i can say all that I want... but i ahve my limitations.....
got a SOS call from Amanda on thurs night.. apparantly there;s a butterfly/moth in her room and they can't sleep because of the trauma it's causing them.. but what sia when i got there.. the thg is already dead la.. cut in half by the ceiling fan it was sucked into... then the gers were screaming all that... say must clean, must sterlise, then they saw a leg fly off, so i must check thoroghly.... then amanda aka dumbger, still wasnt satisfied.. she says that the room must be wiped again by Magiclean wet tissue... but she said that she was afraid of stepping on another of the insect's legs which may have flew off...
So....
Suited up for Bio Chem Warfare
ah soh at work...some other stuff...
didn't have time to edit the entire pic... but, it's good.. Wilson Gundam
my Monopoly House Radio
My retro hostel bed
zhug my laptop Johnnie!
miss my little gfs hahaTHANX FOR 1)REMINDING ME TO EAT MY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES 2)your encouraging words... so unattainable
i was here @
4:00 AM.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
[[right or wrong..]]
It's very hard to tell if this should be the way...
If you go by feeling, it is correct..
If you reason by logic, it makes no sense...
Still, not everythings can be explained by common sense...
There's this magic in human life...
Something worth searching for...
I have a idea what it is... It seems wrong, and another seems unreal, un attainable...
unless i can clear this hurdle within myself... I can not proceed
i was here @
3:25 AM.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
[[Push me]]
went to watch
the Departed just now.. i think Infernal Affairs was more suave...
Running really slow on Econs... i'm trying out the MCQs on the site but.. progress is a snail crawl.. my attention span is really short... man.. no matter how much I push, i'm only going that fast, or rather, slow... it hinders even more that I get stammered at understanding the data...
i really need the extra
omph.. i don't know what it is.. but.. i know there's something missing here... there has got to be something which can push me right.. actually, I can push myself.. it's just that my mind is rather lazy... facts/data/info can't get in...
I don't know man.. time is running out...
I'm worried for
Stellar.. I know she's down... but it's the same situation... i'm without power...
it's been too long since I really did something for anybody.. did anything right.. helped in any way... it's been too long..
on a seperate issue...... someone so simple... so encouraging.. so beautiful.. beyond reach...
PS: Thanks for reminding me to TAKE MY MEDICINE AND VEGETABLES!
i was here @
11:26 AM.
Friday, October 13, 2006
[[]]
Sgt is crumbling
i was here @
2:15 AM.
Monday, October 09, 2006
[[the future has not been set...]]
haizz... how come im pushing myself mentally... but physically, i'm not moving... damn.... study!!! it would help if information got in quicker...
give me ur ears and i'll give you the world...
i was here @
1:49 AM.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
[[]]
study until dulan sia... so many good shows to watch...
Rob B Hood.. world trade centre, stay alive, you me and Dupree...
sian sia...
teacher bring me go watch show!!
i was here @
5:56 PM.
[[Bloody civilians]]
fucking stupid last night....
I may have ORDed, but i think I still have the midset of a soldier.... at the very least I admire the system... its efficient.... It gets things done...
last nite, went all the way down to PS then jinjin and I were informed that the movie was canceled.. surely we could be informed earlier.. why a simple thing like watching a movie must see who going, see what movie,etc... why can't just sit your fucking ass down and appreciate the show...
I had tutorials to do.. jinjin had an exam to prep for... can't we just be more decisive..
it sounds ironic... but i just stand the way civilians behave.. so slipshot... what sia.
can means can, cannot means cannot la...
if you make a decision, commit to it..
Things get done quicker..
i was here @
11:34 AM.
Friday, October 06, 2006
[[Putting up a fight]]
i decided not to s/u econs.... i don't know why also..
Maybe i decided to try it out first.. i know it's going to be tough as hell.. but maybe i didn't want to fail without putting up a fight..
Maybe I remembered that my journey to finally becoming an IntSpec wasn't easy as well...
If I wanted to fail.. I want to fail after a fight....
I can say all I want.. but I'm still helpless when I don't understand Chem... or computing.. etc...
But still... Sgt never knew how to quit.. he only didn't know the way..
Sgt used to say: "Tough time don't last, Tough man do.."
Yet, the desire alone isn't enough..
Saw this on STOMP,
http://talkback.stomp.com.sg/forums/showthread.php?t=4695It's a national stigma/taboo...
I have nothing to comment.. you know it yourself...
i was here @
1:59 AM.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
[[...]]
t didnt realised that i actually mentioned about ah gong, a week before it happened...
ah gong walks around at home at night, sometimes late at night, when I'm still awake.. somehow I feel that he just wants to be around me... That's why I try my best to come back early on weekends... I don't know what else I can do for him... He looks so weak now... He's very old already, but he's fit for his age. At least he can walk under his own power... I talk to him the most politely in the house. the rest? I would fuck anyone if I feel they get impatient with him.. If I can make the effort to speak beside his ear slowly to let him hear better, I don't see any reason why they can't. ~ September 17
watched this show last night.. "My time with ah gong" on Ch 5.. i know I would want to watch it... it's good... it's a remake of the korean "The Ride Home".
Powerless
Darling... Don't go...
i was here @
1:02 AM.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
[[Thanks]]
Thanks to all for ur concern... Btw, the multiply email is an automated system..
Crying isn't a sign of weakness... don't be ignorant.. we are all humans... it's my way of letting of steam...
i was here @
10:44 AM.