Sunday, September 17, 2006
[[standing alone]]
wasted yet another day.... can't seem to understand Quantum Physics... i have the tutorial solutions in front of me, yet I don't understand a single thing.. spent the whole day staring at it... time passed real quick..
I want, but I can't.. still, I will endure... I don't know why also.. like not enought time.... I got no drive man.. no desire to study.. i think it's because I trip at the tut Qns.. very sian... what's more, everyday just repeats itself.. very monotonus... tts why my nick some days back was: Sgt wants something to wake up to... wake up, looking forward to...
"I can one!!!"
Sometimes, i tell myself this.. I told myself this again earlier today even though I know I can't... I just look ahead... Go Go Go!! push on... although my mind drifts off... ultimately, I didn't quit... though, I may not do well this coming quiz... at the very least, I have not given up.. Also don't know when I have become like this.. hmmm... pushing myself like this... I think I became like this during the army... pushing myself to the end... never allowing myself to give in when I know what I am fighting for.. I don't really know what's my driving force here.... perhaps, i'm searching for my answer along the way. In any case, I know, in the meantime, I should carry on this fight...
Eric commented again last night that it's a waste I didn't join the army.. so did Wai last week.. they were not the only ones... some commented because of my Zinc BlackHawk bag and the accessories I have.. others, because of what I say and do... hmm... am I really that inclined to the army? I guessed the army moulded much of what I am today... The spirit to persevere is one that I noticed.. Back then.. I pushed myself to no ends.. Going through all the command schools, for one sole purpose. For her. Because I know as a commander, I would have more freedom to spend time with her.. yet, one week before my graduation, she left. She didn't even attend my POP, the long awaited POP when my Chevron was pinned upon me... Then there was another her.. the one after, that I cared for so much..
I seek only to protect the ones I cared for... even though I never got anything out of anything I did... I still stand here.. perhaps it's faith, perhaps it's hope.. that one day, a miracle may happen...
cooked supper just now... my fav french toast again.. with scrambled eggs... Tried to cook the french toast with cheese.. it was funny... i'm not sure if it's good or bad... but I found a way to make my scrambled eggs more fragant. cool..
ah gong walks around at home at night, sometimes late at night, when I'm still awake.. somehow I feel that he just wants to be around me... That's why I try my best to come back early on weekends... I don't know what else I can do for him... He looks so weak now... He's very old already, but he's fit for his age. At least he can walk under his own power... I talk to him the most politely in the house. the rest? I would fuck anyone if I feel they get impatient with him.. If I can make the effort to speak beside his ear slowly to let him hear better, I don't see any reason why they can't. Ma boils soup whenever I come home on weekends.. she would ask if I am having dinner... I think it's a being filial to come home to eat... they have the heart to cook for you, then no fucking reason to absent myself... although I don't talk when I eat with them, I make sure I AM eating with them at the table, and not come back late and eat myself after everyone's eaten... I wiped the table just now.. Didn't do that for a very long time.. nowadays Ma does it.. I forgot to.. Fuck.. She cook for me.. i cant let her wipe the table also..
Just fucked my brother... told him off for not helping out in the family and stuff... I'm sick of repeating to him and I think he's also sick of listening.. I don't think I am a good brother... I want to be more... to guide him... but he don't follow, I aso can't help it.. Although it's fictious, I really hope I can be like Ryosuke... he changed his brother Keisuke for the good... They do things together though they don't do much.. Back then, I did have this funny thought. When I rent a car, I wanna ask him along, like in the anime.. nah.. sometimes, I just want to right all the wrongs that I see...
Painted this today.. My fav car, the Toyota MR2 SW20... even so, the paint job wasn't that good and the paint on the rims came off too when I polished them.. Can't seem to do anything right huh... I like this car.. after I watched Initial D.. I feel the car and its driver, Kai Kogashiwa, somewhat describes me... When he knows what to do, he really puts all heart and soul into it, giving it his best... All out! He takes pride in what he does..
other pics...
I was bored in hall
i zeng my laptop
and this is ADA's ugly STI
editted this for an angel.. haha.. Angelic-looking girl..
i was here @
3:18 AM.