Thursday, April 06, 2006
[[Stand-alone Ranger]]
Feel so sian about the Bday shit... Like nobody fuck-care as usual. Nobody offer to help or what so ever. As of now I need ideas to kick start anything. Well, it is my Bday though, so I can't really expect anyone to step forward right? Always the lone ranger, the stand-alone complex. Always the one people turn to for things, and the one no one turns to help.
Even though most people in my camp don't really appreciate, as do everyone else, at least I would still do things for the Branch. At least there, I know what I am doing is not wrong. I can't go wrong blowing up maps, doing security checks or just being the Int Spec that I am. However at home, no matter what I do here, I don't feel the sense of belonging. I can't find my place here at home, no matter how hard I try.. How sad can that be?
I have to wrack my brains too come up with a reason, or should I say excuse, to ask to drive the car... My own blood parents can't even trust me enough for anything. Now I want to go back and pack my stuff in view of ORD and marbe go back to burn DVDs. I am going to have to look at my father's face to have the car... Scared I lang ga his car... Then mother will push me away to die myself... Say other people also can't drive. For fuck sake, all the teen drivers I know, can drive their father's car.. I lang ga the fucking car, I pay you back le.
That time, I had work to do in the Branch. I wanted to go back. They fucking ask me to take public transport. I would not mind going back on weekends to help the Branch to prepare for Exercise, for Ops commitment, but in the end, I am still not looked up to for my effort. And my own parents have little regard for me in any aspect.
I am not even asking you to buy me a car... I don't even compare about eric's father who would let him have the car andtake taxi back himself... I give you two the due respect as parents, but you give me shit.. Never mind, everyone is the same.. Even my own parents treat me like fuck, what more can I say for anyone else...
You know why I don't have a maid at home? Cos when I was in Sec 4, the one I had then said one night that I touched her. Like what sia? Imagine the shock when my ma told me. Then like Pa asked me also la.. That's ok. You need to get to the bottom of things. But the interrogation dragged on for hours. I said how is it possible that I would touch that thing? They say it's normal, I'm a guy. I say she's not even fucking the same color as I am. Mother say got one guy also fucked his Grandmother. LIKE FUCK SIA?? I mean, you have to use this kind of example to compare me, to bring me down to his level. They don't know their own son? Finally, the bitch admitted she lied.
And guess what's the shit.. Even my Ops Officer would tell us, "Good job" after the Battle presentation when all we helped was to put up overlays, which was our job after all. He did that to thank us and to motivate us. And he's someone not related to me...
I should have been the one crushed by the crane, not those 3 men. They have families, I have nothing. I know the folks at home will say why happen so long ago, I still bring up. It's because of the hurt you cause me. Fuck you. You two still don't want to listen to what I have to say...
You keep grumbling that I always mention about who and who in my blog, I can't forget la, ya da ya da... Cos.. the shit is..... All my life, she is the only one who appreciated what I did for her. No matter how little or when I did it. I never felt like a fool doing things for her. Of course, that was until then... But at least I had something to look back upon, no matter how sad it is that I have nothing left now.
i was here @
10:31 PM.