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Saturday, April 08, 2006
[[Pool Party; family]]


Changed my mind.. thk it will be a pool party instead... Don't know la... Just anyhow say... Don't know if I have games, would anyone play... At my place?

If other place, want to ferry the things here and there, that fellow also won't let me use the car...

I need help, guys. Hope the people would be game enough...


Decided that the next time I rent car... I would ask my brother along... Let him try... feel that this can be a way we can sort of like bond.. We are brothers. But yet we are not close...

Sometimes I just want to fit back into this family, but cannot...

When I was in my Basic Section Leader's course in SISPEC, I never once lost an equipment, something which my platoon mates were fond of doing... My Section Commander wrote in my interview booklet that I was ver disciplined in securing my stores and keeping them. I told mother that this was because of father's teachings. Whenever we are outfield, I would check and double-check my stuff that everything's in place... I wanted father to be proud that his son learned his ways...

Yet, till now... He never let me feel proud of myself. Only otherwise.

I told mother too, back then. Thank you for like caring for me and stuff, when Leong broke up with me. Cos I was left all alone back then, clueless, helpless.

Yet, till now... She always keeps quiet and turn me away when I approach her my troubles. Because she has no solution for me and she kena from father also.

I can't find another pair of parents until in GTO like the students found Onizuka, who will fight for their well being irregardless of his own...

All my life, I try to make the people close feel their worth. Yet, in the end, I can't turn to them to seek shelter... Either they left me or they scold me...

Only my Grandparents don't treat me like shit. But I don't know what I can do for them... I can only appreciate my ah ma's cooking and speak politely to them. When my Gu Gu told me that my ah gong told her that he is happy that I talk to him properly, and when he approach me for help, I would always help him. I am happy because I seldom know that I am doing anything right, or even letting anyone feel happy because of my actions. Ironically, I did the least for my grandparents. I want to be there to send them off. I feel that it would be what they would have wanted. Anyone who stands in way or so much so as to hinder me, I will kill them.

So long never cry liao. Feel very comfortable. Remember,last time, I used to cry to you too, as you also did to me?

Think you have forgotten all that already.

i was here @
3:25 AM.

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