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Thursday, March 09, 2006
[[Down, but not yet out...]]


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Kira

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Shinn

Feeling sian... Low

Think I have things I need to do, want to do... My Uni course needs to be re-applied, etc

But I can't get the ball rolling.. I can't get myself moving...

What's important?

What should I do next?

I have reached the point where I don't know what is the next step to take... I have either done what I wanted to do, or I do not know how to accomplise what I want... I said before that when I am not doing anything, I am thinking..

I have my limits. Guess I am hitting the red zone now.. My arm is one good example... I have been swimming since sec 2, and this is the first time my arm nearly dislocated. Can't move my arm much still.. Didn't go gym again today...

It is disheartening... People around me. People close. I think they know I'm in some sort of slum... but no one steps forward... My specs are broken. Pa asks me to go myself. How the hell do I get to Katong shopping centre from sengkang? My parents had always brought me to make my specs. It's not that I can't do things myself, but right now, I feel alone...

When I look back, I only see loss. Though i understand that my perception may somewhat be polarised in a certain way.

I feel like I am a stupid version of Kira, and minus all his power.

Kira and I alike do things for others. For our friends and loved ones. To make them happy... We never really ask for anything much in return...

However, now Kira's friends are starting to realise him, starting to look at him...

But I am still alone... There is no pat on the back... No "Well done, Ben".... No "Thank you"... Nothing

Kira may only be a fictious character, but I can relate so much to him... I want to be like him... His actions taught me alot, yet it also showed me alot...

Why is that even though when I do something out of good intentions, I get stabbed in the back instead?

Like Kira, the bitch Frey manipulated him...

Like Kira, I am unappreciated. Only desired when required. And when everybody's lives are back to normal, we are ignored again.... Even though we suffer..no one really cares... They only question why we are not here, THey only grumble that we never do anything...

I don't need anyone to provide for me... I just need to be looked at once in a while, and also ahve a place to turn to when I am down... I don't mind doing things for people I care for... But I am only human... Even Kira needs emotional support...

I don't need anything in return... I only don't want to be forgotten... Time passes me by...

I feel so alone now... Because the people I used to fight for have turned away from me... Seeking a better life...

I don't believe that I have not err on my part... But I did have the heart... I did do things for a future... Maybe I got the steps wrong, but I meant well...

My vision is blurring...

PS: What am I supposed to do with my 21st Bday? I have never really celebrated a birthday before...

i was here @
11:13 PM.

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