Monday, February 13, 2006
[[Parents]]
Don't know when then I can drive on my own... Also sick of asking to drive alone. Any car contests now??
Pa always says that I'm not steady/stable enough yet when driving..
What is considered steady? Does it include balancing a cup of water on the dashboard? As far as I am concerned, Steady means accident free. I have been able to swerve away from vehicles that have been trying to play bastard with me. That's good enough for me. Why? Cannot get into his head that people will guai lan with P-plate drivers ah? It's not my fault that I sometimes swerve sharply. It's because I have to avoid fuckers who dont give way to me even when I have the right of way... Contary to Pa's beliefs that I am unstable, rather, I am skilled to avoid them. Jibye.
They keep telling me that I do not have enought driving experience. How to gain experience when Pa seldom goes out?? Ma even made this ridiculous comment that I got my license under 20 lessons, too little. Not enough experience.. Chao jibye. I paid for my own lessons.. Don't tell me that it's not enough. If you think that I need more lessons, then pay for lim pei's lessons. People would compare how little they spent, not this la... Goddammit...
When asked why I couldnt drive yet when I paid for my own license, Ma replied that just in case, take precautions... Fuck me. You wanna take precautions till when?
I was fucking mad. Not entirely because I couldn't drive, but because Since young, these 2 elders of mine have been clipping my wings.. This one cannot, scared this happen, that happen. They don't entirely restrict me, but their strict upbringing made me fearful of trying new things. Pa always scolded me for not knowing things, ignorant of things, don't know how to make decisions, etc. But it is they who caused all that. Most of my pears are more street-wise than me. I'm like a blur-fuck out out in the open society. I voiced this out when I hit my teens, but my Ma turned ignored it.. This resulted.
They are good parents no doubt. But I was their first teenage kid, and the oldest on both sides of the family, that's why I understand that they have no experience with teenagers. But What I'm not happy is that my advice was not taken heed when I saw things in a clearer light.
Like there was a time when I wanted to try parrallel parking, then my Pa said no. He say that lot too small, even he also got problem parking. Then how the jibye am I suppose to gain any fucking experience?!?!? They didn't let me try. How am I supposed to learn?
Back in SISPEC, I used to siam all the combat training. As a result, my combat knowledge was like fuck.. I felt ashamed of myself as a Combat Specialists. Therefore, as much as I wanted to be a Sect Comd, I fought to be in the Int Branch. During my Intelligence Spec course, I delibrately took up as many appointments as I could. To learn more. I didn't care if I made hell lot of mistakes. I couldn't feel the pressure.. Maybe It's because of my determination to be an Int Spec. In the end, because I made myself go throught everything, I was able to learn much more than if I were to take a backseat.
I must remember this when I am a parent in future... I don't wanna a weakling for a kid. Guess tough times made me want to bring up my kid the tougher way like my Pa chose, but I'll learn from my Pa's mistakes...
A Bunta-Takumi relationship would be good. But I can't expect my kid to discover everything by himself. I'll still have to guide him, but I let him run free.. That's what parents are for... to guide you. When will my folks realise that
i was here @
8:33 PM.