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Monday, January 09, 2006
[[Lim pei's problem]]


Pa sort of scolded me today..

He said I didn't prepare myself for the future and stuff..

Actually I'm aware of that..

I need guidiance man.. I really am clueless...

On top of it, he also mentioned that although I was in the whole of Saturday, I didn't clean the house etc, and complained about some fingerprint marks on the wall..

Nabei.. that one also lim pei's problem? I'm not the only able bodied male in this household. What about my fucking brother? He doesn't do anything... No need to train him ah? I am the one who clears the fucking bin every night.. Don't know how many fucking cockroaches there are every night.. No one bothers...


I'm not like him(Pa). He has the foresight of an S2.. He will look far.. How many people like me will go and analyse the economy sia? Haizz.. it's not that I don't know anything.. I know things about gadgets that my friends only learn about when thry go product training for the job. When I enquire about electrical products at shops, I would sometimes know the product better that the salesperson... I'm really interested in digital photography, DVD, blueray.. all those kinds of shit..

Pa is like a OC-figure in this house.. However, as a good officer, he would know the traits of his man and help to exploit theirs strenghts and minimise their weaknesses.. He should gear me towards such electronic gadgets since I have this interest in them... But he doesn't sit me down to talk.. The closest he ever gets to giving me advice is when scolding starts.. I need to be guided too.. I'm more like a specialist at home and Elwyn is a man.. He takes no initiative, has to be led.. I need orders(guidiance), but can fight on my own after that...

I feel that he wants me to be a certain way.. A way he wants.. Not the way..I am.. Don't think it's advisable.. A parent is like an OC, should help the child to discover himself... Even when the child reached adulthood, the parent can, and should, still guide him.. That's what parents are for.. If not, for fuck they are more wise?


Can't believe I said it... Yet, so what... Everything's change.. Now that everyone's lives are improving, I'm forgotten and have to disappear into the shadows once again... No one really appreciate me... There is no purpose in my life.. I have done what I wanted to do... Even the only place, My beloved camp, where I truely feel that I belong, can do without me.. At the end of the day, there will still be someone who will came and take over me.. I can be done without.. So what?

Last time, at least I'm told.. Mei you wo bu xing.. I'm told how wonderful it is to have me around.. It gave me a sense of purpose..

Yet, now.. the last person I would expect to hear something like this from is my Ah gong.. He told my gu gu that He was proud to have a Grandson like me.. That I was filial and respectful to him.. Ironically, I did the least for him...

i was here @
12:16 AM.

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