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Monday, January 09, 2006
[[lim pei's problem; The sequel]]


I just keep watching those animes over and over again..

People may think that I'm like a big kid.. But whenever I immerse myself in the stories each and every time I watch it.. Seeing how the characters fight for what they want..and get it. Maybe the scripts dictate that they will succeed, but their path to glory isn't that smooth sailing too.. However, I marvel at their determination.

What I am envious about them is the support they get. They never fail to have a purpose.. I have lost mine.. Nothing I do ever reaps anything in return... I can be done without.. My household needs my father, but I am dispensible... Even though I try to ease tensions between my pa and brother, and succeed, no one remembers what I did in the end... All they ask me to do is clean the house. That's my purpose ah?

People may not feel this way, but I feel that I really gave my best for my time in 2SIR. I came up with ways to aid the branch, do things and all. Yet, in the end, there's still someone who will replace me.. Not that they will die without me.. Like my household, they can still survive without me... Best commander may be nothing, but it still means something..

Gone are the times when I'm irreplaceable...

It's been nearly 2 years... I feel that this long friendship is fading away before me. You were my best friend..This is the one friendship that I treasure the most, yet it is the shortest. Maybe you are very busy now.. Maybe it was something I did wrong.. I don't mind things happening, but I just can't accept it that there's no explanation... At least tell me what went wrong... I hate to be forgotten... I used to be able to talk to you whenever I feel down.. But now, you don't seem to care already...

Am I so easily forgotten? In everyone's lives, I feel that I try to even things out for them. However, at the end of the day, after everything's ok for them, I have to disappear into the shadows again as I'm forgotten... Even when a third party sees that I'm in despair, nothing is done. Is it right to just stand by and watch?

When you see that something is wrong.. Can you just live it down and not do anything...

I can't...

That's why I'm forever the bloody fool that people forget...

i was here @
9:40 AM.

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