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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
[[A Lion's Will]]


Had a one day exercise yesterday.. MapEx.. Though we were only returning this morning, but some of us returned around midnight last night... Damned tired.. The night before slept around 1 plus and woke up at 4.. The preparation was killing me... Have to double up as an Int Sgt and over-see everything.. We managed to finished the staff aids eventually, though it was quite late..

The next day was the killer.. Alvin was some fuck reason didn't come, and I had to manage the whole Intelligence Cell by myself... Doing the job of 2 Int Specialists and a Int Sergant... Fortunately and amazingly, nothing went wrong, as compared to the previous MapEx... I cocked up the whole show... Maybe some would say that I should'nt shoulder all the blame, after all I'm still not all that experienced. Still I was disappointed with myself.. I let everyone down, including S2... I made everyone look bad in front of Brigade..

The Branch is good to me. I couldn't accept it that I failed everyone including myself..

It really was a relief that yesterday's exercise turned out fine... I could stand tall knowing that I did it.. However, I can't be complacent.. Ex Buckspeed is the real deal...

Saw Leong's photos that day... Think she was sending the guy off for reservists.. How ironic.. We broke up when I was in NS.. and now he's in Reservist.. (Ya I know mummy.. you are going to say that I haven't forgotten her.. etc, I just want to know what happened when I was in Taiwan that sparked the chain of events.. did he fucked her or what..Ya I know she allowed him to hug and kiss her, what else? Whatever, My knuckles still itch)

Now I feel a little like Athrun... Want to set things right, but just don't know how to... He left Orb, then rejoined ZAFT and finally found his place back in Orb, beside Kira and the rest he left behind... However, during the time he was gone, much damage had been done... He hurt the ones he cared for...

I want to set things right for myself... and for my family. But I don't know how to... No one stands out to guide me even when they see me struggling. They don't listen to me even when they hear me shouting.. I can't seem to fit in anywhere.. Even the one thing I did do right in the past, the one thing that may have mattered most to me, isn't there anymore... I want to fight back, as I managed to suceed in this Exercise... But at this moment... I am lost..


For the day where we can all embrace one another again without harth and war... That is why we must keep on fighting.... ~Kira

i was here @
4:31 PM.

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