Wednesday, November 30, 2005
[[Future]]
What lies ahead?
God knows...
It's hard to believe, It's been a year since I graduated from SISPEC and set foot in my unit.
It seemed just yesterday that we were discussing when our under-studies would come..
It is indeed just yesterday that I interviewed them... I saw my zest in them back then...
Time passed quickly and silently this one year...
Sadly, I failed to achieve anything...
At the end of this year, then did I realise what I have missed out..
Is it all too late?
I haven't given up
i was here @
9:25 AM.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
[[Do what you must...]]
Passed my driving... It was a miracle... 18pts...
Hmmm... so now I can set out to do what I wanted back then? Nah... whatever...
I want to set things right... This is something I want to do...
It's stressful now.. ok, maybe just a little.. 3 Exercises in 4 weeks..
Worst still, I'm the acting Int Sgt... I want to do a good job... I really want to...
Now the new Specialists are here... Alvin and I interviewed them... Can't believe it's already one year since I stepped into this unit... I was them back then.. It just seemed like yesterday...
When will my dreams come true?
Unfulfilled feelings.... Just like this song in my blog....
i was here @
7:49 PM.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
[[Fuck]]
Don't know what the fuck is he thinking...
Pa asked me last night if I knew anything about enlisting into army at 16, ie. stop studies... I thought its for his ITE students or what... Jibye, turn out it's for my brother...
Bloody fuck leh.... what the hell is he up to?
I still told my brother that I understood his methods and that they are correct, only harsh... but this is fucking ridiculous...
He don't know how to guide meh... Only know how to pull this kind of bloody stints..
If I just sit there and say, "I can't do anything", then I would really be unable to do anything at all.
Like I say, I don't like to stand by and do nothing when I see something wrong...The only time I do nothing is when I really don't know what to do...
That is the fucking problem is now...
I always have to be the one to stand up, yet they don't want to listen, nor act...
In any case, I'm tired of being there already... I already said that the end has come... It's time for me to disappear bit by bit... No one will notice anyway... Who ever did
My home is unlike a home...I don't know what it is...
It's time to leave
i was here @
11:21 AM.
Monday, November 21, 2005
[[Enough]]
I'm tired of this search for my goddamn purpose. The time has come for it to end.
For fuck, you are granted the knowledge that something is wrong, when you aren't going to do anything about it?
Pa is going to cancel the broadband. He does'nt bother to explain. Everything happens for a reason, so "WHY?" in this case? He sternly added on that I should be doing something more useful. I know there are alot of things he wants me to do. Most of which I do not know of. He doesn't say anything. If he feels i'm not doing the right thing, why doesn't he guide me? I know if I ask him what I shoud do, he will comment that I'm already so old, still don't know how to think...
So does it mean when your kid is over 21 years of age, he wash your hands of him, deprive him of advice and guidance? Isn't that what parents are there to offer?
Its not about th cancelling of the internet... I also don;t know how to explain... I'm just tired of it all..
I'm tired of the search for my purpose... It's time for the end to come...
i was here @
2:06 PM.
Monday, November 14, 2005
[[Shagged out]]
Busy week...
Outfield from Tues to Thurs, followed by Guard Duty on Friday..
S2 Sir told me to bring extra socks as we were going to cross a drain... Ya right.. It was a MONSOON DRAIN!!!! Luckily it wasn't high tide. Nevertheless my feet were wet and so were my pants... I cocked up quite a bit during the exercise.. S2 sir didn't scold me, he even joked with me at times.. However, I was disappointed with myself... I wanted to be more than this... Why is it that I can't get anything right? Now, Int Sgt is on course.. It's up to me to look after the branch... Wonder what mess I create...
It's terrible when one loses faith in himself... I have'nt lost it entirely, just that, I'm quite sadden with myself. My driving test is 2 weeks away. Yet, I am doing worse wih each lesson.... It's been too long since I last did something right, something that I could be proud of...
What is it that I want? I seem to know what I seek, but it is unreachable to me.
This is my favourite Gundam.
It is a symbol.
A symbol of hope.
It is, as Kira calls it, a sword to protect those in need.
It gives its bearer the ability and power to fulfil his dreams.
It is something which cannot be abused.
It can take me to where I want to go...
Where is my Freedom(Gundam)?
Lacus gave Kira his, who will give me mine?
I need it to fulfil my dreams...
I miss those days....
i was here @
12:18 AM.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
[[Gundam SEED Eternity?]]
Sure or not? Hahaha...in any case,
http://www.neo-seed.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=190818
i was here @
7:13 PM.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
[[Gundam SEED Destiny?]]
Lunamaria?Bloody shit... modem got confiscated again.. And once again, it isn't my bloody fault.. Why must I be punished for his undoings?
Sianzzz... Block leave is over... the time is drawing near for me to stand in as Int Sgt. Die die die!!!! S2 postponed the handphone sweep again... Cannot la Sir, people will look upon us as paper tigers.... Let's whack them one time jialat jialat, let them fear us first..hahah..
Painting my Destiny Gundam. Only made some minor nodifications to it.. Flat paint sucks big time, next time must use glossy... Feel like going Sunshine Plaza to look for more water slide decals for it..
Sian leh.... like so much to say sia... but now suddenly don't know what to say...
Pushing hard for IPPT Gold... it may easy for some, but definitely not for me... My knees are really busted. After a short run of only 2.4km, and they become weak... a little more, and they will hurt... Shit.. nevertheless, i decided to persist in SISPEC, I still stand by my decision...
Went out with mummy for a movie n meal on Friday... Zorro was good...
As my Maximum Tune is improving, my real driving is going down the drain... shit...
i was here @
4:19 PM.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
[[What the fuck is going on???]]
What the fuck is going on???
i was here @
11:49 PM.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
[[Fucking suay]]
Yesterday, ma jiam, I got up from the wrong side of the bed. Didn't go back to camp for run, yet, I am still late for driving... Waited for over half an hour, but no bus/taxi... Fucking shit... Public transport is a major let down... EZ-SHIT... Then driving like fuck too... then at night missed the last bus and train to meet jinjin n alex because I forgot to bring my card holder... And this morning, couldn't find my earphones anywhere... I got a bad feeling. THink I dropped it last night... That time, I spent so much time and money to get this pair of earphones, and now it's lost. (PS:spent more than I should have on the earphones because bought a unsuitable pair before it. The latter costed about $60)
Fucking shit.... Fucking on fire now... My life isn't what I want it to be...
What lies ahead?
i was here @
4:46 AM.