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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
[[Me]]


Who am I?

Int spec.

Is that all?

I want more out of my life

Do you know what you want?

Ya.

Sure anot?

Yes....and no

I don't what to do, how to do it.



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Preparing for exercise these days.. Ok, you can say that I am quite proficient in blowing up maps... Thought I am good enough. But today, I realised I wasn't good enough. I want to be better. Still need to be better. Come November, Have to stand-in as acting Int Sgt. Was looking forward to it, but not so now...cos I know I'm not there yet...

What the fuck sia... Why can't I just be good in at least one thing? Jack of all trades, master of none... Fuck sia, I'm only Jack of some trades. I want more out of my unfulfilling life. There's more to this.. But what? I think I know the answer... And yet I don't..

There's so much I want to say, but no chance to. Today, Teo commented on Ram. Saying that he is just an Admin Spec after he was discharged, and that some people weren't happy that he behaved as though he was something bigger. What was wrong with that, I asked him. I asked Teo if he could accept it, to be an Admin Spec after going through SISPEC, PS tour, etc. He said no. I told him, if you don't fight for yourself, no one will. Yet it seems, I am not fighting for myself...

I just recalled too, that someone commmented that I always seemed to speak up for my friends. Anything wrong with that? Things that matter to you the most, if you don't know how to protect them, who will? Guess that's just me.... Always want to protect, also don't for fuck ah.. cos who protects me? Never mind, its ok. I still want to protect. But sometimes I'm unable to. I just lack it. Just as Kira needs his Freedom(Gundam), to protect.

Where's my Freedom?

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i was here @
8:52 PM.

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