Sunday, January 30, 2005
[[]]
went to play some LaserQuest-like game withe jinjin and his classmates. Laser Skirmish..FIBUA style man! Damn shiok sia...Better than the army MILES system because it works! hahaha..got M203 some more! Next time must jio all the guys down foe a one time showdown!
Haizzzz....going back to camp now..hope I dont injure my knee any further. Not worth it man, not yet..And hope some people dont play bastard and give me any more problems..
Book in loh....
i was here @
7:11 PM.
[[]]
Been absent for so long because Nights-Off are lesser these days..besides so many things have happened during this period..dont know where to begin...
to know that something is wrong and be silent about it is wrong isnt it?
~kira
I really wonder if one will stand up to wats wrong when he sees it in present times. Even I dont stand up for myself. I'm now downgraded to PES C2L1 for 6mths because my knees have decided that it is time for them to give way. However, I'm still required to attend the Tekong package while on medical status. I have an medical appt next Wed but Encik told me to change t again. I have postponed all my appts time and again. But this time its fucked-up. He could fucking get charged for going against the TSR by forcing me to do all this shit and go in FBO when i'm excused heavy load...I explained to him that i really did pushed back my appts but it is the last straw. However, he wouldnt listen. He fucked me as though I was feigning it..Bloody FUCK! What I hate most is people saying that I'm a fake.
I put up with the pain because back then I endured it, looking forward to a better life and more freedom to be with Leong, as a Sgt upon completion of my course, which of course I realised was all in vain because she forsake me...
Well, that point aside...Guess I couldnt stand up for myself simply because I lack the power to do so...Isnt this always the case? Or is it the lack of courage to stand up to what i believe in? Can anyone tell me? I feel like Athrun..alnoe in seeking out his answer to his inner battles.
NTU sent me a letter telling me that I can opt to change the course of my choice since they have new courses this year. The only one that seemed a likely choice would be Aerospace Eng..Sounds big huh! Dont really know what's it abt...heading down to he NTU seminar to find out more tomorrow.
what you are capable of doing and what you wish for,
you yourself should know it best..
~Gundam SEED Destiny
Well, in my case I dont. But I do know, I made a major blunder. Something that was natured and built up after such a long period of time, all may just disappear. All because of my negligence.
But I was just anxious.
Concerned.
I want to set things right.
Again.
How?
i was here @
4:17 AM.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
[[i think...i wonder...]]
if I say, "I cant do anything," and do nothing
then i really wont be able to do anything.
Nothing will change..
Nothing will end.
~kira
That's the problem with me..always thinking too much..always doubting myself. Smtimes I think so much that i dont do it in the end. I doubt myself because of the constant mishaps. Everytime i try smthg new, it goes wrong. Always thking negatively. But sometimes i really try hard. I want so much for it to happen. I put in effort but i lack that missing link.
Emotions alone, Power alone...They are not enough.
That is why..
Is this(Freedom Gundam) not necessary for you to fulfill your dreams and go whereer you wish to go?
~Lacus
Where is the Freedom Gundam that I need? Where is this missing link. I need this catalyst. My objective is just there, but how do I get there?
Power is necessary because conflicts continue to exist..
Without power, one will be belittled. However, one must not abuse one's power. Together with power comes responsibility. Yesterday Alex and I were chased out of NYP during the soccer match because we dont have the admin card. Actually, we were not even students there to begin with. In any case, the security guards are too niao. If only I had the power...It's undeniable. Power puts you at the top. Some days back, some MPs came to my camp claiming that someone drove a stolen vehicle in. The power of the MPs comes in the form of the Military Law. This power allowed them to confine all the Guard Duty personnals in the Guard room! My guys who are on Guard Duty are supposed to have the most authority while on duty but look at what has happened! Its ridiculous! Though its a sad fact, over time, I have chosen to believe that, Power is vital.
On Friday, Eugene sold his duty to me. The other regulars wanted to sabo him and forcee him to jack up his price cos he always pesters abt bk outs and nights off because of his gf. I didnt know abt their dislike for him so i accepted it for $100. Later they kaopei, saying i shdnt do it for him and that i shd have asked for morer. But being my first time doing this, I didnt know. Besides I dont share their views on him.
ren bu fan wo, wo bu fan ren. This phrase holds true for me. But as evryone is kaopei-ing, I begin to wonder if I shd hv taken the duty from him. Then again, I tot...Why was I swayed by their comments? I thk this is a good example of a situation whereby I have to stand firm and hold true to my own beliefs. As of now, I need more faith in myself. Going against the norm may not always be wrong. Even if it is, I will only know now at the end. So, I need to be there at the final moment to get my answer. I need my own
Feedom Gundam to take my there
i was here @
11:07 AM.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
[[bored...bored...bored...]]
if you only do the things that you know you will suceed in
then where's the fun in doing things?
you wouldnt even know the fun in trying?
~GTO
maybe bcos i failed too many times thats why i dare not try. but now i ponder upon this phrase. It is this phrase that spur me on to take action back then. But that situation wasnt even right to begin with. Subsequently, the things that i try out all end up rather negatively maybe that's why I dread trying. "what's the point sia?" dunno..
But now i think of trying out something though the will is not that strong. Just want to try, without even a goal in mind, not knowing what step to take.....
i was here @
9:35 PM.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
[[Praying!!!!!]]
...The farther apart we are,
the closer I feel to you...
~SEED Destiny
God...pls let me get into the Division Swimming Team! Ahh.....
i was here @
2:00 PM.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
[[Ahhh.....]]
Walao eh cant be so suay one rite? .....Basic Theory also fail! walao eh.....my luck damn rotten sia. When the hell is it ever going to pick up?
i was here @
7:29 PM.
[[~King of the Pool~ .....again]]
"I do not know if it's alright for me to be here..."
"what you should do and where you should go will represent themselves to you in due time..."
Today is the Finals for the 3Div Swimming Meet. I got Silver for Freestyle(27.96s) and Bronze for Butterfly(34+ s). It's a good performance considering the fact that I didnt even train for the meet and I have not swam since I enlisted.
Freestyle was a close fight. I lost by 0.5secs! The first place got 27.4s..WALAO!!!!! I though Butterfly was a goner because I was burnt out by then. The 2 events were too close to each other, I had no time to rest. Luckily I managed to pull through. Amazingly my Butterfly is an improvement from my timing of 36secs from 2 yrs back. I didnt even train after enlistment hahah...Haiya that's why I'm the undisputed Swimming Champion. Swimming is just me la, or maybe its all the chlorine water in my blood after all these years! haha.. The Medley was a waste though..
Anyway, my guys and my names were taken down. We stand a chance to join the Division's Swim Team! Its my age old dream to compete again in swimming, but to do it at this level, its beyond my wildest dreams! Now i wonder if I am able to stand up to the challenge because I have never swam competively before.
Sgt Jonathon told me if I were to join the Div Swim Team, they will have to find a replacement for the S2 vocation. He added that after the competition, I'll join HQ cause it would be too late to join the rifle/support Coys. I do not know if what he said is true, but if it is, then in any case, I thk I wont have to chiong suah any more. Its not that I want to chao geng, but my knee is busted. As of now, I do not know where to turn....
i was here @
6:54 PM.
[[FiRE D0WN BElOW]]
"Kill because somebody was killed...
Get killed because he killed
You thk peace will ever come like that?"
Thought I got called back from block leave to help out in the tsunami relief work..but cock of all cock, our Block Leave was cancelled just so that we can go back to clean rifles...because our unit wants to take part in the Best Unit Competition. Bloody hell, i rather be over at Ground Zero doing smthg constructive than this shit. SAF is such a self-centred organisation, no wonder their soldiers also turn out like this. Everything it does benefits only itself. People are dying out there, but all they can think of is some stupid competition. Kan na.. i say already i also paisay. called back from block leave to help out in the tsunami relief work..but cock of all cock, our Block Leave was cancelled just so that we can go back to clean rifles...because our unit wants to take part in the Best Unit Competition. Bloody hell, i rather be over at Ground Zero doing smthg constructive than this shit. SAF is such a self-centred organisation, no wonder their soldiers also turn out like this. Everything it does benefits only itself. People are dying out there, but all they can think of is some stupid competition. Kan na.. i say already i also paisay.
Haizz..getting a bit moody these days because of all these little stupid things happening to me. Mainly from camp sia..Cancelled my appt to scope my knee on Tues cos my swimming team's Medley finals coincides with it. I decided on this cos in the Heats, we came in first. I had a strong eam. However on the finals, Joeseph had his RTT so we had him replaced and we came in LAST!!!! I postponed my appt just to lose so miserably????
Nvm, that's not all...The next appt date is on the 25th. I'll be having field camp that wk. So, I'm expected to changed the appt. But the Doc is on leave after that date..I cant be giving way to the army all the time what! I already did my part by putting it on the Block Leave but they cancelled it. And it was already been postponed 4 times. Its in the hospital records...Actually i decided to go for the swim because it had always been my dream to compete again. I waited so long for this day to arrive, now that its here, I wont give it up so easily!
Sgt Jonathon told me that I'll be going to S2 to become Intelligence Specialist. It sounds like a blessing because I may not need to chiong suah again thus, easing my knee. However, still need to go for the field camp. I dont know if my knee can take it...I dont know when then i can get my knee treated...
So many things bothering me! so much more...but there's my "Family Outing" to look forward to this Friday. Hope Gdaughter doesnt bluff me again!
i was here @
1:30 AM.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
[[HeADaCHE!!!]]
so many thgs happening these days..mainly in camp...its been tough for me...
luckily there is this little sparkle at the end of this wk...i hope it will brighten up my recently gloomy days...
no time to blog now...got to go some funeral...tmr nites off then write
i was here @
7:38 PM.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
[[busy...]]
What you are capable of doing and what you wish for...
You yourself should know best...
I may not be able to blog in the coming days. The reason being, my block leave is cancelled in view of the current natural catastrophy. My fellow Specialists and I are recalled to help out in the relief work. As of now, I'm still uncertain abt what we are doing. It may been admin stuff like packing of essential items, or who knows, maybe even helping out at Ground Zero? Which is why I am pondering on this quote. Many a time, we have the power, the ability to make things happen, but we choose to back out.
Why?
Dunno...
Back in my Montfort NPCC days, evryone in my Squad goes thru thick and thin regardless of who we are, what rank we have. Be it punishment or
sai-kang, we would slog it out together. under that kind of circumstances, I just cant bring myself to stand by and do nothg when my Squadmates are sweating it out...
But now in the army, evryone
chao-gengs. I follow suit. I do not want this, but seeing evryone like this, I just cant find the drive to do anythg. If I am really send overseas to help out, how would i decide? I have yet to scope my knee. The appointment is this Tues. However if i were to ask to be excused to go to the appointment,
encik would definitely think that i'm trying to run away from duties...
Its not true! I really need to scope my knee. It really hurts sia....haizz why do ppl always misunderstand
i was here @
11:25 PM.